Give and Take (Adam Grant)
Nice guys do finish first and if you know of any who don’t, this is for them!
Some basic definitions of Adam Grant’s framing of “givers”, “takers”, and “matchers” to align with…
Givers give more than what they take. They are other-focussed and help without expecting anything in return. They share their time, energy, knowledge, skills, ideas and connections with others who can benefit from them.
Takers like to get more than what they give. They routinely put their own interests ahead of other’s needs and believe that we live in a dog-eat-dog world.
The world doesn’t have many pure givers or takers. Most folks are matchers — it is the extent that differs. Matchers operate on the principle of fairness, striving to preserve an equal balance of giving and getting. When matchers help others, they protect themselves by seeking reciprocity.
With this, I’m pleased to share my top-3 takeaways from this book:
- Should you be a selfless giver? Selfless giving is simply unhealthy — one may burn out before you realize and end up not giving at all. Instead, being an otherish giver can help sustain giving by being selfish and other-centric simultaneously. One way of being otherish is by focusing your giving on causes close to you. So when you see the impact of giving in a field that genuinely matters to you, you will be motivated to sustain your giving. Another essential trait of otherish givers is that they don’t hesitate to ask for help. Unlike matchers, they don’t feel obliged by the act of receiving and feel compelled to give something in return. This is the trait that helps a person seek out and avoid compassion fatigue.
- Do you have to be loud to be heard? Powerless communication is about resisting the urge to be loud and dominate a conversation and instead of expressing vulnerability to help gain influence. The best salespeople are givers — they ask questions, throw in disclaimers, hedge, and hesitate — because people are receptive to powerless speech. A word of caution here… expressing vulnerability is only effective if the audience receives other signals establishing your competence.
- How do you get what you want by being a giver? “Negotiating” and “Giving” are traditionally not used in the same sentence. Givers typically don’t press for more and shake hands on deals quite easily. But this is only when they are negotiating for themselves. However, when they negotiate for others, they settle for nothing short of the best. Here’s an approach to help givers get the most for themselves. The next time you negotiate your salary, think of yourself as an agent advocating for your family’s interests.
